When to get help

One of the most challenging aspects of managing psychological distress is knowing when to ask for help. Do you seek the assistance of a professional when you are neck-deep in the midst of a crisis or when you first notice warning signs of a problem? Do you try to improve things before they get out of hand or do you “just deal with it” on your own until you have exhausted all of your resources and reached the limits of your tolerance for suffering? How do you know what to do when faced with a problem that you can’t resolve with your typical coping strategies? How do you know when your problems are not normal? 

Let’s get one thing out of the way from the start: There is really no such thing as normal. The term is broad, ill-define, and not a particularly meaningful way of describing human experience. For one thing, “normal” is not an absolute condition. It is a relative one. Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are shaped by their biological and genetic makeup, the environment in which we are raised, the experiences we have over the course of their lives, the values instilled in us, and a thousand other influences that combine to make each of us unique. 

For instance, in most Western cultures, if someone said to you that they “see dead people,” you may consider them to be “crazy” (a derogatory and useless term). You may consider the experience of the person describing this to you as unusual and possibly disturbing. However, in some cultures, that same experience may be considered relatively commonplace and viewed as an indicator of enduring connection with loved ones that is not only recognized, but even desired. 

A more useful way of looking at mental health issues is how distressing they are to us and how they interfere with our functioning.